Last blog

My blog didnt quite go as planned. Much like life doesnt often go as planned. My year at being 50 was full of highs and lows. Victories and losses. It brought me happiness and it brought me tears. In one week I say forever goodbye to 50. I leave you, my extremely limited audience with some quotes from my favorite author.

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders & absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

It is not the length of life, but the depth.

Life is a journey, not a destination.

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

Have a great summer and life everyone and blog on, read on, express – don’t repress.





What makes a father a dad?

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads. I woke up thinking what makes a dad? I mean we all have fathers, but it seems fewer of us have dads. I login on Facebook to see so many have posted ole time snapshots of their fathers from days gone by. And I cant help but wonder if thats done out of love and reflection, or to follow the mainstream. Were these people the product of great childhoods, were their dads great men who loved and sacrificed in honor of the family? And if so, did his children recognize that when they were young, or is it only now in adulthood that memories smooth the edges, making their father something more than he was?

I guess fatherhood and its expectations have changed throughout the generations. There was a time when being the bread winner was all there was to being a good father. Today fathers are expected to participate in the home, attend Barbie bday parties, father/daughter dances, trick or treat the streets holding little hands, and laugh love and giggle with their kids. Its not a challenge every father can tackle, thus there are many more fathers than dads.

My dad had a hard life. He had a sixth grade education. His father abandoned his family of four boys. The love of his wife died in his arms, leaving him the a single parent. Later he married a mentally unstable woman and fathered three three more children. The household was poor, abusive and full of stress, fighting was commonplace. Yet despite it all, my father had moments of greatness when I felt like a kid, who had a dad. It was the simple gestures I remember the most, getting a creamee, candy & soda pop while garage saling with Gram, when he’d speed up the car going up over a hill, the only version of a roller coaster I’d know for many years. My father protected us, the best he knew how, from the angry hands of a mother less equipped to be a mother than most, and he at least tried, and had the sense of mind to know his children werent living great childhoods, but he tried to give us moments where we could simply just be kids. Happy Fathers day Dad.



Mothers Day is on Sunday. Everywhere you look there are commercials and greeting cards and special sales; time to celebrate our mothers. The women who birthed us, cared for us, protected us, taught us. WAIT. Ok I dont get this holiday, I admit it. Nobody protected me or loved me. There are few greeting cards that say ‘thanks for birthing me” so Hallmark get your shit together. First, not everyone is a mother or should be. Second, not every child has a mother, just because they were grown in a womb and delivered through a birthing canal. I have no mother. I was born, but I have no mother. I wasnt adopted and cared for. I wasnt given a chance, I wasnt given anything. Everything I have is because of me! No loans no gifts no guidance no jobs no trust fund no inheritance no love. My mother had sex. That sex resulted in a pregnancy. That pregnancy was me. Mother you live and walk the Earth but your heart is hollow and has left me empty. And empty is this holiday for me. I know many of you, in fact most of you, have reason to count your blessings, you have great moms, or you were adopted and found love, or by the grace of God you have yourselves become moms/thats why I acknowledge this holiday, for you. Cuz to me its just a cruel reminder of what I will never have and who I will never be. Peace.



Do you find yourself caught up in mindless games? I do. And my latest Hell is Candy Crush an iPhone APP. Funny how 10 years ago we’d raise our eyebrows at the concept of APPs. Today we cant get enough. We want our minds constantly stimulated, but stimulated with nonsense. Our eyes pinned to a 5 inch screen, our fingers plucking away at digitized keys. iPhone, iPad, iTouch, iWatch. I, me, mine so typical of our society today. Today the thing I love are the things that are mine, my personal devices, the toys that mindlessly stimulate me. Thank you for breaking the boredom and taking my mind on a mini-vacation thru each grueling level. I want to conduct an experiment in which no electronics be used for 72 hours, no radio, tv, phone, computer. Who is willing to partake in such an experiment? Lets really give our minds and consequently our fingers, wrists and eyes the vacation they truly deserve. Peace.


Tick Tock

They say time waits for no one. This year more than others has shown me this to be true. I cant believe its already May and Im on the backside of 50, in just 2 months I will be 51. The year has flown by like an early morning songbird, sucking the sweet nectar of freshly bloomed flowers. Its been a grand year. I have been reminded that love is what you make of it. That Life has hidden treasures. And one finds them in the smile of their friends. And in the touch of your lover. In the warmth of a summer breeze. In the sweet furballs that pounce amongst your floors, tails wagging. All around me I feel warmth and love, I see life becoming what its meant to be. I understand more than I should, I see behind the mask we all wear.

Time moves both fast and slow. We must remember that time is a constant we all share, hour for hour, its an equalizer. Time is the same for us all.

Some of us get more of it, some of us waste it. But an hour is the same sixty minutes for us all. A month is but a month. Time is always unfolding for each of us. I wish people used their time better. Too many people work too much, too many people work too little. If I had one wish it would be for each of us to have a clock visible to all, showing us how much time we have left on this world. It might make people nicer and kinder; it might motivate people to love stronger, to hate lighter, and to simply appreciate every moment. Your time may be up long before you are ready for it to be! So stop worrying about the lives of others, about what people think of you, about who says what to who. Start loving one thing, thats all I ask, one thing about each and every day. And love it loudly and proudly!! You can do it. Amongst the aches and pains, the bitches you work with, the careless drivers in the road, despite the boss who rides you, the corporate ladder that doesnt recognize you; the kid who doesnt appreciate you; the government who is trying to screw us all … Rise above and love something today, with bright eyes!



Sometimes one must sacrifice for the greater good. Sacrifice has existed amongst mankind as far back as time can be traced. Sacrifice has healed. Sacrifice has conquered. Sacrifice has resulted in miracles. Sacrifice something today, a pleasure, an asset, yourself in and of your time. Today was Earth Day, a day when we were reminded to conserve, to recycle, to nourish. To sacrifice modern convenience in the name of a better tomorrow. Today I sacrificed and tomorrow I will sacrifice again. I see the bigger picture. It’s not about my pleasure, it’s about something bigger and better and beyond me, or you.

Selfish acts

As the Nation turns to support the great City of Boston, we are once again reminded, more often than I care to be reminded that the world is full of selfish people pursuing their own motives and agendas. It sickens me that people preach faith through violence. As human beings we possess a unique and beautiful quality in us to be selfless, to sacrifice, and to accept, understand, respect and love one another.

Rather so many people run their own agendas, pursue their own motives, for little regard for others or for the greater good. We are nothing but for our actions. Beliefs are pointless it they are absent sympathy and acceptance of the beliefs (and opinions) of others.

I’m certainly not going to jump on a soapbox, Lord knows I have faults. That being said, I am a person of love and not violence. I understand that my feelings arent always the thing of most importance, I know sacrifice is something beautiful and noble. I respect others and the differences in our thoughts, ideals, pursuits. I wish more of the world felt the same.

Whether its a foreign enemy of mass destruction, a disgruntled worker armed and dangerous, a corporate giant stepping on the successes of small local businesses, a mad leader with nuclear power, an angry child taking revenge, hate and greed and power seekers without regard for humanity surround our world. It isnt just events like Boston that demonstrate these facts every week, every day. It fills me with profound saddness for humanity.

It reminds me to be a better person, a kinder person, a more patient and loving person. If each one of us were to truly sacrifice just a little deeper, we could change our world. No one of us can change the entire world, but collectively we can change our lives and the dominio effect would extend outward.

Peace and love.