So the question of the day is can a control freak, with serious OCD issues relinquish control, is it possible? Why would they want to? Would it be good for them to do so? Or would it change everything about them? Well Im exploring this experiment, right here and now.
Less than 24 hours into it and so far Im doing okay. I’ve walked by laundry that shouldve been done 10 times; I havent put out feelers or calls to see what’s going on with a certain someone (leaving her to her more than capable own devices); I have listened more than I have talked; I even let go of the remote control (who am I kidding, I never had control of that). In a nutshell I’ve stepped back – letting people show me what they’ve got or don’t got.
Today Im feeling anxious though, I want to try to control a certain situation but I’m forcing myself to remain silent. If it plays out like I think it will, I cant guarantee my experiment wont have met its expiration date! Simply said, Im tired of something in my life, I dont see what everyone else sees. A donkey in a pony costume is still an ass in my eyes! And I’ve already got a big enough ass of my own to have any room for more!
However for the sake of keeping in line with my goal of chillin’ out more and not sweating being in control or not, I really hope the gods are in my favor today. Because truthfully giving others the ‘control’ is a really good way to see what their made of and whether they are who you think they are.
Its funny when I lived up north I was so in control of everything that internally affected my life. I ran a successful law firm, supported a family and always figured out a way to get what we needed or wanted. Then I got cancer, and I realized I didnt really have control of anything. It was an unsettling feeling. So for a while I completely surrendered control. I put my faith in MDs (happy to report 9 years cancer free); I moved to Florida (even though I hate the heat); and I passed up a similar job to manage and run a law firm–instead becoming an individual contributor (replaceable). And you know what happened? I started to become more OCD in other ways; felt more compelling the need to control situations or stimulate certain outcomes. That’s exhausting! And while I was once wildly successful with this approach, I’m going to rest on the ropes for a while and see if I can still score the knockout points needed to win the fight. The fight = life.
It’s hard to admit we really have no control, people and life and the world move in such a way that disallows control. It often renders you (or me) powerless.
The only thing you can control is YOU. So off point there for a moment (its early, still havent consumed my allotment of caffeine) back to my experiment, Im going to handcuff my instinct to take control, letting myself be submissive for a bit, relax the mind, just go with the flow and see how that feels. It wont be easy. This I already know. Already I am scared!!!! LoL. Thats exhilirating!! Ha!!
But … Dont think that this new experiment means I’ll stand by and take any bullshit!! Thats one lesson I’ve already learned that doesnt need experimentation, Im done taking shit. If I like you, you’ll know it; by the same token if you piss me off Im gonna react and be all over your shit!! Aggressive, huh! Control issues!!!! See how easily they creep back into your mind. It’s going to take real control, not to be in control! How ironic! I better stretch good for this one, flexibility is going to be key!! Peace.