Happy Freaky Friday Friends!!

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No time to blog today, buried up to my eyes in work.  But it’s nearly 5 PM on the eastern coast of the United States and this working dawg is calling it a day.  Off to enjoy sushi tonight at one of my favorite places, and looking forward to a relaxing weekend amongst friends.  Special birthday party on Sunday for one cute little peanut, and then in just a few short weeks I get to hug and squeeze my own little peanuts when I venture north for my annual Fall trip to Vermont.  Love and Peace to everyone! 

I thought the word “menopause” would be music to my ears.

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Boy was I wrong.  Seldom does something literally kick my ass.  I pride myself on being a survivor, someone who always bounces back, no matter how hard the blow.  And I’m typically ten steps ahead of the other guy, so anyone looking to knock me off balance had better think long and hard about whether to open that door.  Menopause on the other hand, and aging in general, it has caught be totally by surprise and has tilted the odds out of my favor.  And trust me, I am not happy about it, not one bit.

So I apologize for not keeping up with my blog and I’m disappointed that I haven’t kept true to my plan to blog every day, but I have been THINKING about blogging, so in a way, I suppose that does count?  Right?!  Just a little, maybe?  Truly, I have wanted to blog and there have been several things that have happened in the past few weeks that I would’ve enjoyed the forum of being able to vent and post about it in a safe format where I wouldn’t risk hurting feelings, or pissing people off, or being misunderstood.  But the Gods just didn’t want that, and so I gave the keyboard a rest and just internalized things.  And I think I did pretty good, everyone I know is still alive and well, and I’m no worse for the wear. 

Once I get a handle on the fatigue, I’ll be back to my old self and back to boring whoever reads these silly blogs.  In the mean time, wish me strength and patience and self-compassion.  I know people say “you’re your own worst enemy”, well I have learned to appreciate and respect that saying, and I’ve learned just how true it is.  Often I find myself wrapped in a never-ending circle of self pity wondering when I’ll get my body back, and when I do, will my mind still be fully in tact? 

Peace. 

 

Make the Most of Today

It’s Friday and I feel inspired today. I’m inspired by people’s forgiveness and their inner strength to move on, over all obstacles, to find their path. It’s such a different road for us all, and it’s a well traveled road walked by our ancestors before us. I’m inspired by those with such grace who can smile when it hurts and laugh when they want to cry. Make this day and this weekend unforgetably memorable and enjoy the path you’re on, it’s your road, your journey and it’s a road without exits, only detours.

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Lose the fight? Or just rest on the ropes?

So the question of the day is can a control freak, with serious OCD issues relinquish control, is it possible? Why would they want to? Would it be good for them to do so? Or would it change everything about them? Well Im exploring this experiment, right here and now.

Less than 24 hours into it and so far Im doing okay. I’ve walked by laundry that shouldve been done 10 times; I havent put out feelers or calls to see what’s going on with a certain someone (leaving her to her more than capable own devices); I have listened more than I have talked; I even let go of the remote control (who am I kidding, I never had control of that). In a nutshell I’ve stepped back – letting people show me what they’ve got or don’t got.

Today Im feeling anxious though, I want to try to control a certain situation but I’m forcing myself to remain silent. If it plays out like I think it will, I cant guarantee my experiment wont have met its expiration date! Simply said, Im tired of something in my life, I dont see what everyone else sees. A donkey in a pony costume is still an ass in my eyes! And I’ve already got a big enough ass of my own to have any room for more!

However for the sake of keeping in line with my goal of chillin’ out more and not sweating being in control or not, I really hope the gods are in my favor today. Because truthfully giving others the ‘control’ is a really good way to see what their made of and whether they are who you think they are.

Its funny when I lived up north I was so in control of everything that internally affected my life. I ran a successful law firm, supported a family and always figured out a way to get what we needed or wanted. Then I got cancer, and I realized I didnt really have control of anything. It was an unsettling feeling. So for a while I completely surrendered control. I put my faith in MDs (happy to report 9 years cancer free); I moved to Florida (even though I hate the heat); and I passed up a similar job to manage and run a law firm–instead becoming an individual contributor (replaceable). And you know what happened? I started to become more OCD in other ways; felt more compelling the need to control situations or stimulate certain outcomes. That’s exhausting! And while I was once wildly successful with this approach, I’m going to rest on the ropes for a while and see if I can still score the knockout points needed to win the fight. The fight = life.

It’s hard to admit we really have no control, people and life and the world move in such a way that disallows control. It often renders you (or me) powerless.

The only thing you can control is YOU. So off point there for a moment (its early, still havent consumed my allotment of caffeine) back to my experiment, Im going to handcuff my instinct to take control, letting myself be submissive for a bit, relax the mind, just go with the flow and see how that feels. It wont be easy. This I already know. Already I am scared!!!! LoL. Thats exhilirating!! Ha!!

But … Dont think that this new experiment means I’ll stand by and take any bullshit!! Thats one lesson I’ve already learned that doesnt need experimentation, Im done taking shit. If I like you, you’ll know it; by the same token if you piss me off Im gonna react and be all over your shit!! Aggressive, huh! Control issues!!!! See how easily they creep back into your mind. It’s going to take real control, not to be in control! How ironic! I better stretch good for this one, flexibility is going to be key!! Peace.

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Maybe it was the DNC?

money doesn’t make the person

Last evening I had the pleasure of a nice meal, a few lite beers and seeing people I havent seen in a while, and meeting someone new too. It was overall a great evening. The new person I met, whose dating someone I value and care about a great deal, was extremely nice, in a genuine sorta way. I also got to spend several hours with a child laughing, blowing bubbles and playing games, it was great lighthearted fun. The restaurant wasnt my fav, only cuz I feel it’s overpriced, with a limited selection of the same old stuff. I’ve lived here six + years and the menus always the same. Get a grip people, change it up once in a while!!! But its a local establishment and I am a firm believer in supporting ‘the little guy’.

And then I was reminded by a flash of a tv screen that the vice president was speaking, and I guess all the Republicans in the patio felt it too. The wallets of the rich tightened up like ocean soaked and sun-dried leather. And really for no reason, its not like the Democrats were sitting around with a mini-vac waiting to suck the dollars from them!? Indeed I betcha every Democrat in the room had their own hard worked and hard taxed middle of the social and economic class $$ of their own. And we spend it freely, and graciously, making what might be a normal run of the mill night for the wealthy, a special occasion to us, cuz the $ isnt easy to earn and its even harder to hold on to and make go farther in these tough times.

As I overheard the banter about money, I thought how funny it is that some things never change. And how money really does rule the World. I wish I could say it was a new lesson, but it was an old situation that has grown tiring. It’s like the family who loves one another grandly, til there’s a death and a Will and the real greed begins to shine through. Money! The almighty dollar!!

Living in a small Southern Florida town mostly populated with snowbirds from Long Island, the Hamptons and other well-to-do northern portions of our great country you’d think I’d be used to it. But it still surprises me how petty and cheap some people can be. It’s embarrassing. And those that are subjected to it arent reminded of their smallness, instead they’re reminded that life is hard and short, and should be shared with those who bring a smile to your heart. So Republicans, just relax and hang on to that wallet, in the end it may be all you have.

But from this proud to be a Democrat, its Friday, a work day, so while I’d love to spend the day at home, I cant, I’ve got to contribute to the middle class so you rich people can rest assured the country will keep running on my tax dollars when you sheepishly grin with your big tax breaks and shove your gold American Express safely back into your Chinos. I don’t want your money, or your attitude. And the next time I will speak up, and oh it won’t be me whose embarrased. Peace!