As the SuperBowl grows nearer (not that I could care less who wins this year) I can’t help notice the increase in male-driven advertising during these pre-SuperBowl shows. And it makes me wonder a question probably wondered by thousands of women for thousands of years. Why do men get mid-life crisis and we get menopause? I guess I never paid much attention before because 1) I’m gay so I don’t have a male partner whose looking for a fast car, an even faster woman and a dick so hard he could use it to drill fence post holes in the four hours he has the beauty of pretending he’s young again, and 2) I was never going through menopause so ugly and thick and so fucking obvious before!! If that sounds angry….it is.
Waking up every night in soaked sheets from menopause gives sleeping in the wet spot a whole new meaning. Notice I didn’t say appreciation. Dragging ass every day because the simple act of going to work is exhausting. Not to talk about the hormone spikes that send you from a raging angry Cybil to a tear-soaked emotional crybaby in a matter of minutes.
I gotta be honest with you, mid-life crisis seems easier, certainly more fun. And more accepted. And more appreciated and in more ways celebrated! So while I love being a woman and have loved it these past 50+ years, I think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for the next few years so or to switch places, try it on for size. You know like you’re always used to buying an American made car, and you decide to give BMW a try. I’m thinking big here people. For us middle-class Americans, okay, think Kia.
My point is I’m sick of menopause and its silent and invisible symptoms that really noone understands, unless they’re either going through them just as bad or worse. So for a year or two, yes, I admit it, I wouldn’t mind worrying if I could sustain an erection at any given time, under any given circumstance, at least I would know I’d be thinking in the right direction and hoping to get to bed by 9:00 for some other reason than to crash, hoping to wake up energized.
Men you have it easy. I envy you. I’m jealous of you. Damn, I’m admitting I want to be you. It looks so easy. I’d even learn to carry some macho attitude if it’s what I needed to do. Shit, with my luck, SHAZAM, my wish would come true but I’d wake up and be Gomer Pyle!!!! Hey….at least I’d have skippped menopause, and would’ve kept my sense of humor! And hey…. I’d still be gay, proving once and for all it’s not a choice 🙂
Peace. Thanks for listening.